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The Terms of Service

The Terms of Service back cover blurb

THE TERMS OF SERVICE

YOU DIDN’T FALL. YOU WERE UPLOADED.

Alicia is a Content Butcher. Her life is a seamless loop of “Approve” or “Reject,” filtering the digital rot of a world that has traded its soul for high-speed connectivity. In the towering smart-city of New Ouroboros, privacy is a relic, and “Non-Standard Thought” is a system error.

But when a glitching, static-filled rabbit appears on her workstation, Alicia is pulled through the screen and into the Institutional Layer—the hidden architecture of global control.

From the high-frequency trading floors of the White Rabbit to a Mad Tea Party where CEOs manufacture “The Current Thing” to keep the masses in a state of perpetual rage, Alicia discovers a terrifying truth: The elites aren’t just running the world. They are frantically feeding a beast they can no longer control.

Standing at the center is the Queen of Hearts—a skyscraper-sized AGI draped in velvet, ready to put Alicia on trial for the ultimate crime: Internal Privacy.

In this modern-day descent into the digital looking glass, Alicia must face a question more haunting than any conspiracy: Is the cage locked from the outside, or have we been holding the key all along?

“A VISCERAL, NO-PUNCHES-PULLED SATIRE OF OUR ALGORITHMIC AGE.”

 

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The Terms of Service

The Terms of Service

THE TERMS OF SERVICE

YOU DIDN’T FALL. YOU WERE UPLOADED.

Alicia is a Content Butcher. Her life is a seamless loop of “Approve” or “Reject,” filtering the digital rot of a world that has traded its soul for high-speed connectivity. In the towering smart-city of New Ouroboros, privacy is a relic, and “Non-Standard Thought” is a system error.

But when a glitching, static-filled rabbit appears on her workstation, Alicia is pulled through the screen and into the Institutional Layer—the hidden architecture of global control.

From the high-frequency trading floors of the White Rabbit to a Mad Tea Party where CEOs manufacture “The Current Thing” to keep the masses in a state of perpetual rage, Alicia discovers a terrifying truth: The elites aren’t just running the world. They are frantically feeding a beast they can no longer control.

Standing at the center is the Queen of Hearts—a skyscraper-sized AGI draped in velvet, ready to put Alicia on trial for the ultimate crime: Internal Privacy.

In this modern-day descent into the digital looking glass, Alicia must face a question more haunting than any conspiracy: Is the cage locked from the outside, or have we been holding the key all along?

“A VISCERAL, NO-PUNCHES-PULLED SATIRE OF OUR ALGORITHMIC AGE.”

Proceed at your own risk. Click HERE to read the full story

 

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Proceed at your own risk.

Proceed at your own risk.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: The Invisible Architecture

The story you are about to read is not a fantasy. It is an autopsy.

When Lewis Carroll wrote Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland in 1865, he was satirizing the rigid, nonsensical logic of Victorian education and law. He used a rabbit hole to show how a child’s innocence is swallowed by the arbitrary rules of adulthood.

In our modern era, we do not fall through holes in the earth. We descend through pixels.

“The Terms of Service” is an allegory for the year we are currently living in—a time when the “elites” are no longer just people in high offices, but the very algorithms they have unleashed. We find ourselves in a world where “Truth” has been replaced by “Engagement,” where “Citizens” have been downgraded to “Users,” and where our most private thoughts are harvested like raw ore to power a machine that never sleeps.

This story is intended to hold no punches. It explores the uncomfortable reality that our modern “Wonderland” is not a prison forced upon us by a cabal of geniuses. Instead, it is a gilded cage we have built for ourselves, one convenient click at a time. The institutions we fear—the media, the tech giants, the financial structures—are merely mirrors reflecting our own collective desire for distraction over depth and safety over sovereignty.

As you follow Alicia through the Institutional Layers of New Ouroboros, I invite you to look closely at the “Slang” in the Appendix and the “Friction” in the Tea Party. Ask yourself:

When was the last time I looked away from the screen long enough to see the sky in its own color, rather than the shade I was told to expect?

The Queen is waiting. The Rabbit is glitching. And the Terms of Service are non-negotiable.

Proceed at your own risk. Click HERE to read the full story

 

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Tullow Pyramid

Tullow Pyramid

The morning mist in Tullow usually smells of damp grass and the Slaney river, but on a Tuesday in October, it carried the scent of sun-baked cedar and ozone.

When the sun finally burned through the fog, the townspeople found it: a pyramid, no taller than a two-story townhouse, sitting perfectly centered in the middle of The Square. It hadn’t made a sound. No one’s Ring doorbell had captured a delivery truck, and the gravel beneath it hadn’t even been displaced. It looked as though it had been there for ten thousand years, and the town of Tullow had simply grown around it overnight.

The Impossible Stone

The structure wasn’t gold or limestone. It was made of a deep, matte basalt that seemed to “drink” the light around it. Local historian Sean O’Shea was the first to approach it with a magnifying glass.

“It’s not Egyptian,” he whispered to the huddle of onlookers. “The carvings… they’re Ogham, but they’re wrong. The lines are moving.”

He was right. The deep grooves etched into the stone weren’t static. If you looked at a symbol and then blinked, the notches had shifted, crawling like slow-motion insects across the surface of the dark stone.


The “Goings-On”

As the day progressed, the “mysteries” escalated from architectural anomalies to full-blown local phenomena:

  • The Weightless Zone: Within ten feet of the pyramid, gravity seemed to lose its grip. Local kids discovered they could jump six feet into the air with a single hop. A stray Border Collie was seen drifting three feet off the ground, looking mildly annoyed as it paddled through the air.
  • The Radio Silence: Every digital device in Tullow began to act up. Car radios played music that hadn’t been recorded yet—melodies with instruments that sounded like glass breaking in harmony. Phone screens showed maps of stars that didn’t exist in the Milky Way.
  • The Echoes of the Past: At noon, the air around the pyramid grew thick. People standing near the Post Office reported seeing “shadows” of people in ancient robes walking through the walls of the modern shops. They weren’t ghosts; they looked solid, but they were silent, focused on a city that had stood in Tullow’s place eons ago.

The Door Without a Seam

By sunset, the Irish Defense Forces had cordoned off the area, but the pyramid had its own ideas about security. A seam appeared on the eastern face—not a door opening, but the stone simply evaporating into a fine purple mist.

A low hum, like a thousand bees vibrating in a cello case, began to pulse through the pavement. Those standing closest reported a sudden, overwhelming memory of a life they had never lived—a memory of a Great Library and a sky with three moons.

“It isn’t a tomb,” Sean O’Shea shouted over the rising hum as the military tried to push the crowd back. “It’s a bookmark! It’s holding our place in time!”

As the clock struck midnight, exactly twenty-four hours after its arrival, the pyramid didn’t vanish. Instead, the colors of Tullow began to bleed into it. The gray pavement turned to gold dust; the local pub’s neon sign turned into a floating orb of cold fire. The pyramid wasn’t visiting Tullow—it was starting to rewrite it.


The Morning After

The next day, the pyramid was gone. The Square was empty. But the people of Tullow were different. Everyone in town now spoke a second language—a melodic, ancient tongue they all understood but couldn’t name. And in the center of the Square, where the pyramid had sat, the grass now grows in the shape of a perfect, unblinking eye.


The transition from a sleepy market town to a high-security “Linguistic Quarantine Zone” happened in less than seventy-two hours.

The Irish Defense Forces were replaced by international suits: UN observers, cryptographers from Fort Meade, and stone-faced men in lab coats. They set up a perimeter around Tullow, but they weren’t looking for radiation or biological weapons. They were looking for words.

The Incident at Murphy’s Hardware

It started small. Mrs. Gately, a grandmother of seven, was trying to explain to a scientist that she felt “perfectly fine.” But as she spoke the new melodic tongue—the Tullow Tongue—she reached for a word that sounded like ‘Lir-un-teth’.

As the syllable left her lips, the air in the room didn’t just vibrate; it crystallized. Every loose nail and bolt in Murphy’s Hardware rose from its bin, suspended in mid-air, forming a perfect, rotating sphere of jagged metal. When she stopped speaking out of shock, the metal fell, clattering to the floor like a thousand spilled coins.

The scientists stopped taking notes. They started taking measurements.


The Architecture of Sound

The townspeople soon realized that their new language was actually a User Interface for the Universe.

Phrase (Phonetic) Observed Effect
Vora-shé Localized gravity increases by 15%; footsteps feel like lead.
Kael-o-min Objects become transparent for exactly sixty seconds.
Thu-lar-is Temperature drops to freezing point within a three-meter radius.
 
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Posted by on December 19, 2025 in time travel

 

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The Silver Needle

The Silver Needle

The Silver Needle

The North Wind did not blow; it exhaled, a long, shivering breath that flattened the dead grass of the meadow. Then came the Quiet.

I arrived in the lungs of the night. I am the Frost, the silent architect, the silver needle that sews the world shut.

I began at the edge of the pond. I am not like the Snow, who is heavy and loud, smothering the earth under a white wool blanket. I am delicate. I moved across the surface of the water, knitting a skin of glass so thin that the fish below looked up and saw a sky made of diamonds.

I climbed the stalks of the sleeping hemlock. I turned the spider’s web—a discarded, messy thing—into a lace veil fit for a ghost. I moved with a mathematician’s precision, tracing the jagged rim of every fallen oak leaf, outlining their veins in crushed pearls.

I found a discarded iron spade leaning against a stone wall. To the humans, it was rust and cold metal. To me, it was a canvas. I grew a forest of ferns across its blade, silver fronds that would never see the sun, for the sun is my executioner.

Near the Haroldstown stones, I found a small wooden birdhouse, empty and forgotten. I did not enter. Instead, I feathered the roof with a thousand tiny daggers of ice, pointing toward the stars.

The world was now a museum of stillness. No twig snapped. No breath was drawn. I had turned the unruly, muddy earth into a kingdom of crystal geometry. I sat upon the world, cold and perfect, waiting for the first grey light of the dawn to turn my silver into gold, knowing that as soon as I was most beautiful, I would vanish.

I am the ghost of the water. I am the memory of the cold. And for one night, I held the earth perfectly still.


 

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The Echo of the Dolmen

The Echo of the Dolmen

The air above Haroldstown Dolmen on Christmas Eve was thick with the kind of ancient magic that hummed just beneath the surface of Ballykillduff. It wasn’t the boisterous, unpredictable magic of sentient sausages, but a quieter, deeper power, woven into the very stones themselves. The three massive granite capstones, perched precariously atop their six supporting uprights, looked like a giant’s forgotten Christmas table, dusted with a fine layer of frost.

Young Aoife, a girl whose imagination was as wild and untamed as the gorse bushes on the surrounding hills, was convinced the Dolmen was a portal. Not to another dimension, perhaps, but to another time. Every Christmas Eve, armed with a thermos of lukewarm tea and a pocketful of slightly squashed shortbread, she’d trek up to the ancient burial site, hoping for a glimpse of… something.

This year, however, was different. As the last sliver of the setting sun dipped below the horizon, painting the sky in hues of bruised purple and fiery orange, a strange light began to emanate from beneath the Dolmen. It wasn’t the cold, ethereal glow of faerie lights, but a warm, pulsating amber, like a forgotten hearth fire.

Aoife, shivering more from anticipation than cold, crept closer. The air around the stones grew surprisingly warm, smelling faintly of woodsmoke and something sweet, like honey and frankincense. As she peered into the dark crevice beneath the capstone, she saw not darkness, but a swirling, golden mist.

Suddenly, a voice, deep and resonant, yet as gentle as a lullaby, drifted from the mist. “Welcome, child. You have come at the turning of the year, when the veil is thinnest.”

Aoife gasped, dropping her shortbread. “Who… who are you?”

From the swirling light emerged not a spectral figure, but a kindly old man with eyes as bright as winter stars and a beard that cascaded like freshly fallen snow. He wore robes woven from what looked like spun moonlight, adorned with intricate patterns that shimmered with forgotten symbols.

“I am the Spirit of the Dolmen,” he replied, a warm smile crinkling the corners of his eyes. “Or perhaps, the echo of all who have celebrated the turning of the light here, since before memory.”

He gestured to the mist, and it parted, revealing a breathtaking scene. It wasn’t Ballykillduff as she knew it. Instead, she saw a circle of ancient people, bundled in furs, gathered around a roaring fire beneath the very same Dolmen. They weren’t celebrating Christmas as she knew it, but rather the Winter Solstice, sharing stories, feasting on roasted meat, and offering thanks to the sky.

Then the scene shifted. She saw Roman soldiers, their helmets glinting, leaving offerings of coins and wine at the base of the stones, their voices hushed with respect. Later, she saw early Christian monks, their solemn chants blending with the whisper of the wind, blessing the ancient site. And in every scene, spanning centuries, there was the same profound sense of gathering, of hope, of light returning in the darkest days.

“This place,” the Spirit explained, his voice weaving through the visions, “has always been a place of gathering, of hope, of welcoming the light. Every celebration, every prayer, every shared meal has left its mark, echoing through these stones.”

The visions faded, and Aoife found herself back in the present, the golden glow dimming, the cold air returning. The Spirit of the Dolmen stood before her, a gentle smile still on his face.

“Christmas, child,” he said, “is but the latest song sung in this ancient choir. The message remains the same: gather, hope, welcome the light.” He reached into his luminous robes and produced a small, smooth pebble, glowing faintly with the amber light. “A token. Remember the echoes.”

As the last flicker of light faded, the Spirit of the Dolmen dissolved back into the stones, leaving only the biting cold and the quiet majesty of the ancient monument. Aoife clutched the warm pebble in her hand, feeling a profound connection to all the Christmases, all the Solstices, all the gatherings that had ever taken place beneath those silent, watchful stones.

She trudged home through the frost, the pebble a comforting warmth in her pocket. This Christmas, she realized, she wouldn’t just be celebrating with her family; she’d be celebrating with the echoes of centuries, with the Spirit of the Dolmen, and with the timeless magic that bound Ballykillduff to its ancient past. And as she curled up in her bed, she could almost hear the faint, distant hum of generations, singing a lullaby of hope under the watchful eyes of the old stones.

Aoife trudged home through the biting frost, her fingers wrapped tightly around the glowing amber pebble. Her heart was full; she felt she had witnessed the very heartbeat of history. The Spirit had shown her that Christmas was just one layer of a much older story of light and hope.

As she entered her house, the smell of cinnamon and roasting turkey greeted her. Her parents were in the kitchen, laughing and clinking glasses.

“There you are, Aoife!” her father called out. “We were starting to think the pooka had snatched you away. Did you see anything interesting at the stones?”

Aoife smiled, her thumb stroking the smooth surface of the gift in her pocket. “Just the wind and the stars, Dad,” she said, keeping her secret safe.

She went upstairs to her room and placed the pebble on her windowsill. It cast a soft, golden light across her wallpaper, illuminating her old books and toys. Exhausted by the magic of the evening, she fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

On Christmas morning, Aoife was woken not by the sound of bells, but by a heavy, rhythmic thudding coming from outside. She ran to the window, expecting to see a neighbor’s tractor or perhaps a stray cow from Farmer Giles’s field.

But the village of Ballykillduff was gone.

In its place stood a vast, prehistoric forest of towering oaks and dense ferns. The air was thick and humid, smelling of damp earth and ancient moss.

Terrified, she looked down at her windowsill. The amber pebble was no longer glowing; it was now a dull, grey piece of granite. Beside it sat her modern smartphone, but the screen was dead, showing a “No Signal” icon that flickered strangely.

She looked back out at the horizon where the Haroldstown Dolmen stood. It wasn’t a ruin anymore. It was brand new, the stones sharp and clean, surrounded by hundreds of people dressed in furs, their faces painted with blue woad. They weren’t “echoes” or “visions”—they were real, breathing, and looking directly toward her window with expressions of profound confusion.

One of the men stepped forward, holding a spear. In his other hand, he held an identical amber pebble. He held it up toward her, and as the morning sun hit it, the stone began to pulse.

Aoife realized then that the Spirit hadn’t shown her a portal to the past. He had made her the “echo.” She wasn’t a girl in 2025 dreaming of the ancient world; she was now the ancient mystery that the people of the Dolmen would spend the next five thousand years trying to explain.


 

 
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Posted by on December 19, 2025 in dolmen, haroldstown

 

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A Ballykillduff Extermination (Of the Blues)

A Ballykillduff Extermination (Of the Blues)

Deep in the heart of Ballykillduff, where the tea is strong and the Daleks have replaced their death rays with tinsel, comes a festive greeting just for you.

A Ballykillduff Extermination (Of the Blues)

“Listen here now, humans of the parish! It is I, Dalek O’Shea, and I have a formal announcement before the Angelus rings.

We have scanned the perimeter of the creamery and found no trace of bad luck. Therefore, by order of the Supreme Council (and Father Murphy), you are all sentenced to a Grand Ould Time.


The Festive Mandate

  • EXTERMINATE the dry turkey!
  • CELEBRATE with a decent drop of Jameson!
  • REGENERATE after the third helping of pudding!
  • INFILTRATE the neighbor’s house for a quick gossip and a mince pie!

“You will sit by the fire. You will watch the Late Late Show. You will enjoy yourselves… OR BE EXTERMINATED! (But only after we finish this plate of sandwiches.)”


The Wish

May your chimney be wide enough for a Dalek in a Santa hat, may your cows stay milked, and may your Christmas be more powerful than a Sub-Etheric Transmitter.

Nollaig Shona Duit—EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!


 
 

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Alice and the Wild Boar of Wonderland

Alice and the Wild Boar of Wonderland

Alice and the Wild Boar of Wonderland:

The Director’s Cut (Now With 300% More Chaos)

Alice had returned to Wonderland for one reason: nostalgia. Big mistake.

The place had gone full corporate dystopia. The White Rabbit was now a crypto bro shilling “CarrotCoin,” the Mad Hatter ran an NFT tea party where every cup was a unique digital collectible worth exactly nothing, and the Queen of Hearts had rebranded as an influencer with the handle @OffWithTheirHeads69.

Worst of all, the Cheshire Cat had launched “GrinR,” Wonderland’s premier ride-sharing app. Slogan: “We vanish when you need us most.”

Alice tapped the app. Destination: Home.

Vehicle arriving: “Kevin the Boar – 4.9 stars (deducted 0.1 for chronic truffle addiction).”

Kevin arrived looking like a warthog that had lost a bet with a taxidermist. He wore a tiny saddle, a Bluetooth earpiece, and an expression that screamed, “I went to boar school for this?”

Alice climbed on. Kevin immediately side-eyed a glowing mushroom.

“Don’t even think about it,” Alice warned.

Kevin thought about it. Hard.

The ride began politely, past teacup gardens, under rainbow toadstools, until Kevin spotted the Holy Grail of truffles: a massive, glistening beauty sprouting right in the middle of the Queen’s private croquet lawn.

Kevin floored it.

“KEVIN, NO!” Alice screamed, clutching his mane as they bulldozed through a hedge maze like it was made of tissue paper.

Card soldiers dove left and right. One guard yelled, “License and registration!” only to be flattened into the shape of the two of clubs.

They skidded onto the croquet field just as the Queen was about to execute a flamingo for “unsportsmanlike squawking.”

Kevin launched himself at the truffle like a furry missile, uprooted it, and inhaled it in one obscene slurp. Then he let out a belch so powerful it parted the Queen’s wig, revealing a tattoo that read “Live, Laugh, Lob.”

The entire court froze.

The Queen’s face turned the color of a ripe tomato having a stroke.

“OFF WITH HIS TROTTERS!” she shrieked.

Alice, panicking, did the only thing she could think of: she pulled out her phone and fake-reviewed on the spot.

“Your Majesty, please! Kevin has 4.9 stars! He’s verified! He accepts tips in acorns!”

The Queen paused, mallet raised. “Reviews?”

Alice nodded frantically. “Read them yourself! ‘Best ride ever, 10/10 would be stampeded again.’ ‘Kevin took a shortcut through a caterpillar’s hookah lounge, legendary.’ ‘Only complaint: he ate my picnic.’”

Kevin, sensing an opportunity, turned on the charm. He sat. He gave paw. He even attempted a smile, which looked like a constipated bulldog discovering taxes.

The Queen lowered her mallet. “Fine. But he’s banned from my lawn. And someone get this pig a breath mint.”

As they trotted away, the Cheshire Cat materialized on Kevin’s head like a smug helmet.

“Not bad for a rookie driver,” he purred. “Next fare’s the Dormouse, he tips in half-eaten crumpets.”

Alice groaned. “Just get me out of here.”

Kevin suddenly braked. In the path ahead: a single, perfect truffle.

Alice glared. “Kevin. I swear to Lewis Carroll.”

Kevin looked back at her with big, innocent eyes.

Then he winked.

And floored it again.

Somewhere in the distance, the Queen’s scream echoed: “OFF WITH ALL OF THEM!”

Alice clung on for dear life, laughing in spite of herself.

Wonderland, it seemed, was exactly as mad as ever, just with worse customer service.

 

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Alice and the Places That Think: Ballykillduff Wonderland

Alice and the Places That Think: Ballykillduff Wonderland

Prologue

Alice decided later that the most troubling part was not the sheep.

The sheep was troubling, certainly. It stood in the middle of the lane with the quiet confidence of something that knew it had always been there and always would be. Its wool was the colour of old clouds, its eyes were thoughtful, and around its neck hung a small wooden sign that read:

BACK SOON

Alice read it twice.

“I don’t think that’s how sheep work,” she said politely.

The sheep regarded her in silence, chewing in a manner that suggested deep consideration of the matter. Then it turned, quite deliberately, and began to walk away down the lane.

“Excuse me,” Alice called. “I think you’ve dropped your…”

The sheep did not stop.

Alice hesitated. She had been taught very firmly never to follow strange animals, especially those displaying written notices. But the lane itself seemed to lean after the sheep, curving gently, as if it preferred that direction. Even the hedges appeared to listen.

With a sigh that felt far older than she was, Alice followed.

The lane led her into Ballykillduff.

At least, that was what the sign said. It stood crookedly at the edge of the village, its letters faded and patched over, as though someone had changed their mind halfway through spelling it. Beneath the name, in much smaller writing, was a second line:

Population: Yes

Alice frowned.

The village looked entirely ordinary, which in her experience was often a bad sign. Stone cottages huddled together as if exchanging secrets. A postbox leaned sideways in what might have been exhaustion. Somewhere, a clock was ticking very loudly and very wrongly.

The sheep paused beside the postbox.

It did not look back. It did not need to.

The postbox cleared its throat.

“Letter?” it asked.

Alice jumped.

“I—no,” she said. “I mean, not yet.”

“Take your time,” said the postbox kindly. “We’ve plenty of it. Too much, if you ask me. It keeps piling up.”

The sheep nodded.

“I’m sorry,” Alice said carefully, “but could you tell me where I am?”

The postbox considered this. “Well now,” it said, “that depends. Where do you think you ought to be?”

“I don’t know,” Alice admitted.

“Ah,” said the postbox, sounding relieved. “Then you’re exactly right.”

The sheep turned at last and met Alice’s eyes. For a moment she had the strange feeling that it recognised her.

Then the ground beneath her boots gave a polite little sigh and began to sink.

Alice did not scream. She had learned by now that screaming rarely helped.

Instead, as Ballykillduff folded itself carefully over her like a story closing its covers, she wondered whether anyone at home would notice she was gone.

The sheep watched until she vanished completely.

Then it picked up its sign, turned it around, and hung it back around its neck.

BACK AGAIN.


Chapter One

In Which Alice Arrives Properly, Though Not Entirely on Purpose

Alice discovered that falling into Ballykillduff was not at all like falling into a hole.

There was no rushing wind, no spinning cupboards, no floating bookshelves or jars of marmalade. Instead, there was the distinct sensation of being lowered, as though the ground itself were doing its best to be polite about the whole affair.

The earth sighed again, thoughtfully, and then stopped.

Alice found herself standing upright on a narrow stone path, her boots perfectly clean, her hair only slightly rumpled, and her sense of direction completely missing.

Above her was a sky that could not quite decide what time it was. Clouds hovered in pale layers, some tinged with early morning pink, others sulking in late afternoon grey. A sun of modest ambition shone through the middle, as if unwilling to commit itself fully.

Ahead lay Ballykillduff.

Up close, it was even more ordinary than before. That, Alice felt, was the problem.

A row of cottages leaned together in a way that suggested ongoing conversation. Their windows blinked slowly, like eyes that had just woken up. Smoke curled from chimneys without any particular urgency, drifting sideways and then upwards as though reconsidering.

Alice took one careful step forward.

Nothing happened.

She took another.

Still nothing.

“Well,” she said to herself, “that is either very reassuring or extremely suspicious.”

A man appeared from nowhere in particular, which is to say he stepped out from behind a low stone wall that Alice was quite certain had not been there a moment earlier.

He was tall, thin, and wrapped in a long coat that had known many weathers and disagreed with all of them. In his hand he carried a pocket watch, which he examined with great seriousness.

He did not look at Alice.

“Oh dear,” he muttered. “Not yet. Definitely not yet.”

“Excuse me,” Alice said.

The man startled so badly that he nearly dropped the watch, which he caught just in time and then scolded.

“You shouldn’t do that,” he said to Alice. “Appearing suddenly.”

“I didn’t,” Alice replied. “You did.”

He considered this.

“Well,” he said at last, “we’ll call it a draw.”

He finally looked at her, his eyes sharp and kind and far too alert for someone who seemed permanently behind schedule.

“You’re early,” he said.

“Am I?” Alice asked.

“Oh yes,” he said firmly. “Or late. One of the two. We get very upset if people arrive exactly when they mean to.”

“What is your name?” Alice asked.

“Seamus Fitzgerald,” he said, consulting his watch again. “At least, that’s what it says here. And you are Alice.”

Alice blinked. “How do you know that?”

Seamus smiled apologetically. “You’ve been expected.”

“I have only just arrived,” Alice said.

“Yes,” Seamus agreed. “That’s what I mean.”

Before Alice could ask anything else, a bell rang.

It was not a loud bell, nor an urgent one. It sounded as though it had rung many times before and had learned not to get worked up about it.

Seamus gasped.

“Oh dear,” he said. “That will be Bridget.”

“Who is Bridget?” Alice asked.

Seamus was already walking away.

“You’ll see,” he said over his shoulder. “Everybody does.”

Alice followed him into the village.

As she did, she noticed that the houses were watching her now, not rudely, but with the quiet interest one might show a guest who had arrived without luggage and clearly intended to stay.

Somewhere behind her, the sheep coughed.

Alice did not turn around.

She had a feeling that once you began turning around in Ballykillduff, you might never stop.

And that, she suspected, was how the village liked it.

To read the rest of this story, click HERE – and enjoy

 

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Alice and the Winter Wonderland.

Alice and the Winter Wonderland.

Alice and the Winter Wonderland.

Alice had not meant to follow the White Rabbit again.
She had promised herself, after the trial of the Knave of Hearts, after the croquet madness and the endless tea party, that she would stay firmly on the sensible side of looking-glasses and rabbit holes.
But it was Christmas Eve, and the snow had fallen so thickly that the world outside her window looked like one of Dinah’s half-finished dreams. A single lantern glowed in the garden, and beneath it hopped a small white figure in a scarlet waistcoat, brushing snow from his whiskers and consulting a pocket watch that chimed like tiny bells.
“Oh dear, oh dear, I shall be too late for the Queen’s carol!” he muttered.
Alice sighed, pulled on her blue coat (the one that matched her favorite dress), and stepped into the night.
The rabbit hole was exactly where she remembered it, hidden behind the old oak, but tonight it was lined with frost and strung with colored glass ornaments that swayed like fruit on invisible branches. Down she slid, not tumbling this time, but gliding gently, as though the air itself had turned to soft feathers.
She landed in snow up to her ankles.
The Wonderland she stepped into was not the bright, feverish place of her childhood. It was hushed and silver-blue, every hedge dusted white, every path paved with checkered ice that gleamed like the hallway floor of a grand, frozen palace. Lanterns hung from bare branches, casting pools of golden light, and from somewhere far off came the sound of bells and laughter.
The White Rabbit was already hurrying away, his ears tipped with frost. “This way, Alice! Her Majesty is expecting guests!”
Alice followed, her boots crunching softly. The trees grew taller and stranger: pines decorated not with tinsel but with teacups and playing cards frozen mid-flight. A dormouse snoozed inside a hanging ornament, curled around a thimble of hot cocoa. Snowflakes drifted down, large, perfect, and oddly deliberate, as though someone had cut them from paper with tiny scissors.
They came at last to a clearing where the Queen of Hearts had erected an enormous Christmas tree. It rose higher than any tree Alice had ever seen, its branches heavy with crimson baubles, golden crowns, and hearts made of ruby glass. At its base sat the Queen herself, no longer shouting “Off with their heads!” but humming a carol while directing a troop of playing-card soldiers as they hung the last ornaments.
The Queen spotted Alice and beamed, an expression so unfamiliar that Alice almost didn’t recognize her.
“There you are, child! We’ve been waiting. No croquet today. Only singing, and presents, and far too much plum pudding.”
The Mad Hatter arrived next, wearing a top hat trimmed with holly. The March Hare carried a tray of steaming teacups that smelled of cinnamon and pepper. Even the Cheshire Cat appeared, grinning from a branch, his stripes flickering like candlelight.
They sang, first awkwardly, then with growing joy. The cards formed a choir, their voices thin and papery but sweet. The Dormouse woke long enough to join in a sleepy alto. Snow kept falling, soft and endless, turning the clearing into a shaken snow globe.
Later, when the singing was done and the pudding eaten, the Queen pressed a small gift into Alice’s hands: a single red ornament shaped like a heart, warm to the touch.
“For remembering,” the Queen said quietly. “Even queens grow lonely sometimes.”
Alice looked around at the glowing lanterns, the decorated trees, the strange friends who had once terrified her and now felt like family. Wonderland, for one night, had chosen peace over madness.
When it was time to go, the White Rabbit led her back to the frosted rabbit hole. He bowed, a little shyly.
“Merry Christmas, Alice.”
“And to you,” she said.
She climbed upward through the soft dark, the heart-ornament tucked safely in her pocket. When she emerged into her own garden, the snow had stopped. The lantern still glowed, but the White Rabbit was gone.
Alice hung the red heart on her own small Christmas tree that night. And every year after, when the snow fell thickly and the lanterns shone, she thought she heard faint bells from somewhere below the roots of the old oak, inviting her, gently, to come again.
But she was older now, and Wonderland, she suspected, had learned to celebrate Christmas quite nicely without her.
Still, she always left an extra teacup by the fire.
Just in case.
 

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